FAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Cross posted to Fake Women

I am a fake woman because:

When I shop I see something I like, look for my size, try it on, if it fits I buy it and walk back out again within ten minutes (give or take a few depending on the queue size) rather than faffing about the colour etc.
The last time I was in a room full of all women I wanted to murder them all with shattered pieces of their wine glasses.
Which reminds me, I drink dark ales over wine (I like wine sometimes though).
The only two sports I was ever any good at at school were cricket and rugby.
Netball and tennis made me want to kill babies.
I want to slap girls whose greatest aim in life is to be a "Footballer's wife"
I would rather have cats than children.
I left the house this morning covered in cat hair and I didn't care that it looked a mess I couldn't be bothered to spend half an hour brushing it off.
I don't make the bed unless I have company.
I don't tidy in general unless someone happens to be coming over.
I have chipped nail varnish.
Most of my friends are male.
I like Sci Fi.
I'd rather watch a horror film than a romance (nothing says I love you like a bleeding heart!).
By horror I do not mean Twilight.
I fail to see the attraction with Robbert "my face looks like a foot" Pattinson.
I stopped hating my own body several years ago.
I have "Childfree community" open on the other page.
I browse 4chan (there are no women on the internet!)
I play Shaiya and though I play a female character I tend to pretend I'm male on the forums to save crazy.
People on forums where I don't actively pretend to be male keep refering to me as "he".
I live in my jeans.
I shaved my hair off in March.
I have a folder full of Edwardian Pornography on my laptop (it's for an art project, but it's still there so I guess it counts).
I would really love to be able to grow a goatie :(
I have a Betty Lipstick Calender.

I am a real woman because:

I am a fashion student.
I like to cook.
I wear make-up in some form almost every day (I had a moment of crazy last week and shaved my eyebrows off, now I have to pencil them back in).
I love shoes.
I want to be a Gil Elvegreen Pin-Up (The girl with the polar bear rug to be specific).
I care about animals.
The colour pink is growing on me.
I like to wear a tiara.
Cute things amuse me.

Writer's Block: Go it alone

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YES
especially this time of year...Christmas "It's for the kids".

So I'm not allowed to enjoy time off, indoor greenery and festive smells because all I get is "THIS SEASON'S MUST HAVE TOY!" or "CELEBRATE BABIES FIRST CHRISTMAS!" etc etc vomity etc.

I am so sick of people patronising me when it comes to children.

I don't want them, end of story.
If I decide I do want a screaming mini human I'll adopt one.
I don't see why it makes me a bad person that I'd rather raise an unwanted/orphaned child that never asked to be here in the first place rather than adding yet another mouth to an already overpopulated planet and wrecking my figure in the process.
People tend to look at me as though I'm from Mars when I say that and tell me "You'll change your mind when you're older blah blah blah", you know what that does?
Make me more detergent not to.
Also ou know what's a good one for getting rid of any feelings of broodyness? Try google imaging Placenta...Ewwwwwwwwww

Have Some Bloody Cash...NOT!

Dear HSBC bank,
I hate you.
I hate the way you can't even do the simplest of tasks without causing a sonic wave of fuck-ups that are STILL causing problems A WHOLE YEAR AND HALF LATER!
I'm talking of course about the student account I changed my account to in March 2008, where you said I'd be getting an overdraft, which I in my niiavity thought I wouldn't need, though I signed the forms just in case...
BUT THEN SUDDENLY
When I needed it...It wasn't there...WTF?
Oh yeah silly me, why didn't I just instinctively know that the woman I saw in the bank in 2008 WAS A FUCKING MORON?!?!?!?!?!!!
Thank you so very much for messing up the settings on my account so that despite it being a student account WITH MY DATE OF BIRTH ON IT it still registers as an under 18 account and can't be changed for three months...

Louise